Unspoken Declaration
by LiveItOut
Summary: Every time Emily said those words to a girl she had feelings for they always ended up dead, that's the reason why every time Paige told her she loved her she couldn't say it back. She couldn't risk losing Paige.


**A/N: **_I had this headcanon that Emily hadn't said I love you to Paige because she's scared since every time she says those words to a girl she's in love with they die. This is just a short one-shot about that._

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**Emily's POV**

"She was a substitute, at a time when I never thought I'd get the real thing. I love you. "

Hearing those words always surprised me, I've been certain that she loves me for a while now; the path of our relationship hadn't been the easiest but somehow we made it against all odds. Now here we are, rock steady, at this moment I'm sure that our relationship has never been stronger, she's telling me how she's always been waiting for me and that I'm the one she loves, I'm 100% sure of that, not because after all I'm just expecting her to love me, I'm not thinking about that in a selfish way, no, I just can feel it cause that is how transcendent her feelings are.

This is the girl who put her own life in danger for me, and is _still_ willing to do whatever it takes to protect me, the girl that chose to wait for me until I was ready, she was okay with being just friends even when I didn't gave her any sign that our relationship could develop into something more, the girl that never forced me to smile or be happy while I was grieving, she didn't have to put out with that, I was the one who made the first move, I told her that I wanted to be with her, if she wanted to call it quits when she found me crying over Maya she had an acceptable reason to do it, but she didn't , she didn't even mention one of those clichés that everyone tries to tell you when you're suffering, things about how I was going to be okay and I'd get over it, she just made me laugh, held me in her arms and let me cry.

However it is not just about the things she does for me, it's the way she looks at me, how she dips her head when she tries to tell me something but gets shy, and how when we are together nobody else exists and it's just us, anyone could see it; we're at this point where words aren't even necessary, but it's always nice to hear her saying them, she makes it sound so natural, it's not the kind of I love you that makes you feel forced to say it back, but it's enough to make me nervous, I study her face as I get lost in my thoughts, I keep thinking about all the things she's done and the risks she's taken, she deserves more, I know, but there's a terrifying thought that never leaves my mind, just when I feel like I could let myself say those words out loud it comes back to me, I see myself standing in front of my house, coming back home to the worst scenario, the girl I was in love with has been found dead, and the worst of all is that this happens not once but twice, and I know I can't let it happen a third time, somehow my brain has managed to shut me out, it has come to the point where I feel like if I say the words out loud the universe will do that thing where the girl I love is unexpectedly taken away from me forever, maybe if I'd never said those words to Maya, if I hadn't written that letter to Alison maybe they would still be here, it's an illogical thought but it somehow makes sense in my head, just as the tears threaten to form in my eyes I vanish all those ideas away, but I still swear to myself that I won't let it happen again, not to her, I cannot lose her, I might not have control over life and death but I do have control of my feelings.

As soon as that thought crosses my mind I realize how that is an even more ridiculous thing to even consider, because having the power to control life and death would be more rational than to pretend I had any say about my feelings for Paige.

I've loved her for a while now, I love her, there's absolutely no doubt in that, _I love her_, I know that, and I wished I had the confidence to tell her, I wished this place was safe enough for both of us and things were different so I wouldn't have to be terrified for the things that could happen to her all the time, it's been a while since I've been dealing with this endless tragedy, I'm used to it, sick of it, but it's familiar in a twisted way, yet I can't tolerate when someone I love is affected by it and that's what constantly makes me put too much thought before I do or say anything, I can't risk it. Yet, I hope that she knows how I feel, I hope that she see it just like I've always seen it in her; every day I try to show her in each way possible, and I'm wishing that my actions are enough.

She kisses me lightly and I offer her a smile, a genuine facial expression is one of the few things I can give her back, and she's so perfect that she lets it be enough, then she gives me the brightest smile and brings her lips to mine again in a more intense way this time, my lips respond kissing her eagerly, and I'm sure she can read my thoughts, I grab her by the shirt and pull her closer to me, our bodies clashing together, she places her hand in my face caressing my cheek lightly, one of my hands roams to her neck, then up to her head and I tangle it in her hair feeling the softness while my other hand moves to her back keeping her still as I deepen the kiss, I lick and bite her bottom lip, she gives me full access to her mouth and when our tongues meet we both release a moan, so far it's one of the most intimate moments we've had, I keep trying to show her with my actions what I yet cannot say, and in that moment while we get lost in each other I'm convinced she can hear my unspoken declaration.


End file.
